A Creamsicle, In Every Color!
My Writing Process
  1. Open writing program. 
  2. While it loads, check Tumblr. 
  3. Continue checking Tumblr.
  4. Remember you needed to check your bank balance. 
  5. Go back to writing program. 
  6. Open file. 
  7. While it opens, check Twitter. 
  8. Reply to tweets. 
  9. Check email. 
  10. Get a caffeinated beverage. 
  11. Catch up on Google Reader.
  12. Check Tumblr again.
  13. Finish Google Reader-ing. 
  14. Put the dishes away. 
  15. Write a post about your writing process. 
  16. Shut down your computer and play videos games. 
Don’t concentrate on being a better humor writer, just concentrate on being the best writer you can become. If you’re funny, the work will end up being funny. And if you’re not funny, the work will still end up being good. Concentrate on being the most honest writer you can be, and let everything else follow — because it will.

John Hodgman.

From And Here’s the Kicker: Conversations with 21 Top Humor Writers On Their Craft by Mike Sacks. A book that was graciously leant to me for years by Evan Kaufman


“Could it be that creative writing has become so popular in colleges today because of our students’ need to reclaim the personal and moral uses of language in a period when advertising has so corrupted it? On some level, the students in my classes at the University of Maine at Farmington feel this need, I think. Consequently, I take satisfaction in the main lesson in language they learn there: telling the truth.”

- from “On Poets, Poets Teaching, and Poetry: Notes from a Journal” by Wesley McNair, published in the Winter 1998/99 issue of Ploughshares, guest edited by Thomas Lux.

Being a writer is like having homework every night for the rest of your life.
Lawrence Kasdan (baitandswitch)
To sleep or write, the writer’s eternal boxing match. If sleep weren’t such a damn good fighter, there would be a lot more books to read.

The Chinatown Death Cloud Peril by Paul Malmont

The Chinatown Death Cloud Peril

(Image by Cowfish)

The Walkmen - Stranded
20 plays

Stranded - The Walkmen

There may not be a better song to try and write to on a chilly Thursday night. Unless you’re trying to write jokes. Then there are many, many better songs.

Character Names

One of the hardest things to do is coming up with new character names. For those in a bind, here is a list of bona fide grade A character names you can use free of charge. It’s my way of saying, thanks for reading this blog thing.

Leading Men:

  • Dan Serious
  • Terrence Cahn
  • Corey Monteith
  • Ricky “Lips” Hernandez
  • Rock Hardbuff

Comedic Relief:

  • Phil Goodbar
  • Todd Fartstache
  • Phillip Cake
  • Lick Stampson
  • Ty Boe

Romantic Leads:

  • Roxie Redford
  • Samantha Wyndgate
  • Lacey Heartcrush, Destroyer of Men
  • Tess Salad
  • Ginny Powder

Girl Best Friends:

  • Sherry “Fourth Grade Art Teacher” Pendersen
  • Nicole Slaw
  • Wendy Happlesaw
  • Sarah Bland
  • Tilly Peanuts
What the Fuck Notebook: Volume II

I keep a board of ideas above my desk so that when I actually have time to sit down and work, I may have a chance of recovering a great idea. Sometimes the notes I leave myself are really detailed and fully fleshed out. Which is great.

Other times they are just the barest seed of an idea, but enough to spark me into remembering what I was thinking about when I wrote this down.

And then other times they make no sense whatsoever. Today I looked up at my board and found a notecard which read:

You need blood to grow a mustache.

Which means nothing. Other than the true fact that yes, you need to be a living human being with blood pumping through your veins to be able to sprout upper lip hair. Other than that, this is absolutely meaningless.

Or I’ve been incepted. It’s one or the other.

We’ve already got the real world. Why would you want fiction to be like the real world? Fiction can do anything, so why do people always want to say, ‘Let’s ground this’ or ‘Let’s make this realistic.’ You can’t make it realistic because it’s not. So basically Batman is 75 years old, and Robin is 74 years old. They don’t grow old because they’re different from us. They’re paper people.

Grant Morrison.

Morrison has found a way to talk about the importance of fiction while also talking about Batman. And it’s beautiful.