Lies We Tell Ourselves Before Our Upcoming Date With Oblivion
- I had a good run.
- I’m ready for the next stage of my spiritual journey.
- Dumbledore will be there, ready to peel back the cellophane cover on the Mysteries of Existence.
- My body will putrefy and life will sprout out of my bones and melted fat.
- At least I left before things really turned to shit.
- My mystery novel will leave a lasting legacy.
- They’ll be sorry. They’ll all be sorry.
- The afterlife will be like a never ending episode of “Welcome Back, Kotter,” only now I’ll be Barbarino.
- No more condoms.
- No more status updates.
- No more ringworm.
- I’ll finally know how “The Sopranos” ended.
