December 2010
41 posts
3 tags
Realistic Goals
Like most of you, I’ve made a few New Year’s Resolutions to better myself. I’ve got the whole “eat better, exercise, and stop drinking kamikaze shots every time I go out with friends,” ones down, but I know there is little to no chance those actually stick. Here are the things that I will probably end up doing instead: Eat every kind of hamburger available, using as...
Dec 31st
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Dec 31st
4,867 notes
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Dec 31st
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Dec 30th
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My Entourage Spec Script
The whole gang is on a desert island, or swanky hotel, or enormous cliff side mansion. Vince and Eric together. Vince: E, don’t worry about me, I’m fine. Eric: Vince, I am worried about you. Vince: E, have I ever given you reason to worry? I’ll be fine. I’ll take the next movie you tell me to take, okay? Eric: (Sighs) Fine. Turtle and Johnny Drama walk into the scene. ...
Dec 29th
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Dec 29th
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Dec 28th
6,559 notes
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Girlfriend Sleep Chats #37: Words Fail to Describe
I’ve been reading in bed and Marissa has been asleep for about twenty minutes when she sits up to tell me something so important, so earth shattering, it couldn’t possibly wait: Marissa: I’ve got this thing much closer to food, you know, so she should be fine. You know, it’s all guuuhd. She lays back down and I’m left too stunned to even respond. When she...
Dec 28th
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Dec 27th
7 notes
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Dec 25th
Dec 25th
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Dec 22nd
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ListenBaby Jesus Was the First Glam Rocker - Glam Chops ...
Dec 22nd
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Get Ready to Poop a Little: Slow Down, Ray J is... →
Need more Ray J in your life? Of course you do. But probably on your own terms. That’s why you need Slow Down, Ray J in your life. Will you regret it? Absolutely not.
Dec 21st
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My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2010-12-19) →
The Walkmen (13) The New Pornographers (12) No Age (10) Best Coast (9) Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti (8) Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
Dec 21st
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Dec 20th
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Dec 20th
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Dec 18th
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Dec 17th
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Girlfriend Sleep Chats #36: Naptime
After Marissa had been sleeping for about an hour, and just as I turn out the light, it’s enough to rouse her from her slumber. Marissa: Ughhhh. It is so hard to nap around here. God. (Makes fart noise with her mouth.) Phhhtbbbttt. Eh. Whatever. Me: Are you having a hard time farting or napping? Marissa: What are you talking about? Me: I said, are you having a hard time farting or...
Dec 17th
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Dec 17th
5 notes
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Brian Wilson Buys Lunch for the Masses →
Sandwich Buyin’ Wilson: My new hero. findtheswagger: It’s hard to miss the black beard and the unique attire of Mr. Wilson. Hoards of people surrounded Wilson to congratulate him on the World Series victory, according to Garchick. So much so that he couldn’t even get in the restaurant. As the story goes, the owner of Lucca Delicatessen saw the commotion and asked Wilson if he wanted the...
Dec 16th
46 notes
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Dec 16th
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Dec 15th
1 note
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Dec 14th
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My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2010-12-12) →
Clint Mansell (18) The Wrens (17) Girls (6) Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti (4) My Chemical Romance (3) Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
Dec 14th
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Dec 11th
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“Before I lived here, I never understood why LA people (don’t want to use Los...”
– STOP IT RIGHT NOW (via tumblangeles) God, this is the most true thing in the history of true things.
Dec 10th
25 notes
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Dec 10th
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My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2010-12-5) →
Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti (45) Thomas Newman (19) The New Pornographers (13) The Wrens (12) Cee Lo Green (11) Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
Dec 10th
Dec 9th
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Dec 9th
414 notes
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Backpack Full of Body Parts Found in LA Hotel →
Welcome to my new home. tumblangeles: notremonde: File under: Holy Fucking Shit Los Angeles police today named a Pennsylvania couple as suspects in the dismemberment of a Hollywood man, whose body parts were found in a downtown hotel. oh no…
Dec 9th
26 notes
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Coffee Beans are The Magical Fruit
Up until last month, I was never a coffee drinker. But I threw my concerns over coffee poops to the wind when I needed a bigger kick than I was getting from a morning cup of tea. Now I get it, I’ve seen the light. I know why Starbucks clogs the streets like jelly donuts clog arteries; why every social outing is an excuse to drink coffee; and why people routinely break up over cups of the...
Dec 8th
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Dec 7th
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Dec 7th
214 notes
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Dec 5th
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Dec 4th
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Character Names
One of the hardest things to do is coming up with new character names. For those in a bind, here is a list of bona fide grade A character names you can use free of charge. It’s my way of saying, thanks for reading this blog thing. Leading Men: Dan Serious Terrence Cahn Corey Monteith Ricky “Lips” Hernandez Rock Hardbuff Comedic Relief: Phil Goodbar Todd Fartstache ...
Dec 3rd
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Not Safe For Work
As work was ending the other day, my boss told me that she was heading out a little early because she had “a work event” to attend to that night. Being the undisputed king of comedy (sorry Bernie Mac), I replied, “Yeah, right. A ‘work event,’” while making the International Symbol of Booze Drinking with my thumb and pinkie finger extended and thrusting towards...
Dec 1st
5 notes
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Walking Dead Writers Fired →
Steps for a successful show: Get a bunch of really talented writers on board. Have them write the shit out of some scripts. Premiere show to critical acclaim. Make Mad Men look like slop by being the biggest hit the channel has ever seen. Get order for extended season two. Fire all writers and hire freelancers. Profit! And hey, no need to give out pesky things like health plans anymore!
Dec 1st
2 notes